The Unedited Truth about Falling for Someone

Falling for someone starts by allowing your cousin’s friend to give her guy co-worker your phone number and agreeing to meet him for dinner on a Friday night. It’s followed by gushing about your date to your girlfriends and agreeing to meet him the very next day again. But after a day or so, you begin to wonder if this will be short-lived because naturally, you doubt that someone could ever be genuinely interested in you.

Monday rolls around and before you begin a new job, you receive a good luck text from him and it catches you by complete surprise because you’re glad someone besides your mom and friends remembered to calm your nerves on your first day. So you go on your entire day thinking about him even when you should be focused on your new hire orientation, but you just can’t help it.

Falling for someone looks like going to church for first time together while driving on I-66, in a rush to make it for 9am service, and being told, “Whether or not this works out, my job is to set the bar on how a man should treat you.” Then weeks go by and you naturally establish Wednesday nights as your time to see one another. Those nights tend to turn into long conversations where tough topics like race relations, our past, and views about God are discussed.

Then you begin to form ideas about a possible relationship with him – someone of your same faith background but different culture and upbringing – and you begin to wonder how it can all work well given the current state of Trump’s America. You begin to feel like you don’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt, without having any solid reason, because all you’re only familiar with is heartbreak. Suddenly, falling for someone can seem like it will come to an end when you allow doubt to control all your “buts” and “what-ifs.”

Falling for someone looks like making excuses to not see him because you’re fearful of actually falling and catching all the feelings imaginable. But it also looks a lot like letting yourself embrace someone who shows up consistently, expresses his feelings without expecting anything in return; someone who plans fun dates around the city, signs up to attend a three-month bible study with you in place of your usual Wednesday date nights, and who begins to open up about his life, family, and aspirations.

The combination of many of those moments made me realize I was there – fallen and not afraid of letting him into my life one small dose at a time. Soon enough, he brought down every guard I held onto for almost 10 years.  That’s what meeting a man that’s all sorts of wonderful will do. 

Falling for someone at that point only makes you realize how amazing it can all be but also how new and fresh you both are in each other’s lives. So you dig deeper into topics of conversation, you bring him around your family and friends, you connect more on a spiritual level and you begin to see signs of a man who for once isn’t playing any type of game and who demonstrates commitment and yes, even love.

Although this isn’t guaranteed, because nothing is, falling for someone ultimately feels like you want to risk your emotions like you’ve never been hurt before. It’s embracing a child-like wonder about someone new and exploring them and the ways in which they can complement your life. But the best part is falling for someone after meeting in the least way imaginable and in the most unexpected of times.

I realize it might be risky to publish this so early into my relationship with Daniel, but that’s what falling for someone is about – taking on a no-holds barred approach because it just feels so right.

Jessica Martinez