Women who Don't Support other Women

I’ve been thinking about this for a few months now because I see it often – women not supporting other women. It’s not a new issue, I know. In fact, it’s a simple concept, no? The one about cheering people on and being that woman that lifts other women. But why is it difficult to do?

I began thinking about this when a friend told me about the friendship breakup she going through. The cause? Her long-time friend admitted being jealous of the new chapter she was beginning so her friend didn’t want to be a part of it or be supportive in any way. That in itself made me sad to hear. Then I began thinking of this some more the moment I found myself having a different conversation with an acquaintance who surprised me when she expressed her support for my writing.

Here was this woman, who didn’t know me on a personal level, but she was encouraging me in ways only close girlfriends know how. I walked away from our conversation feeling empowered. Corny? Probably. But that’s the kind of girl every girl wants to be around.

So, that’s what brings me to write this because its upsetting to come across women who don’t support other women. I realize not everyone is like me but nothing makes me happier than to see my girlfriends reach milestones, start new ventures or move along in life. That’s because supporting others doesn’t affect my success nor threaten it. But I like to think it’s because I was raised to believe that there’s enough for everyone in the world and competition among each other doesn’t exist.

Writing this isn’t my way of singling anyone out, I just want to understand why some women choose to bring down others and even take pleasure when other women don’t succeed. It may be easy to label these kind of women as envious and not capable of being good girlfriends. Haters, even.

But I don’t think women who don’t support others are haters. I think there are underlying issues within them that go beyond being labeled as such. I think they’re insecure, they feel threatened and have yet to understand that women don’t have to fight each other for a seat at the table, so to speak. I say this purely based on women I have known but regardless of the issues their insecurities stem from, there is no valid reason to justify the very act of not supporting a fellow gal pal.

So this is my encouragement, a plea, rather: learn to rise above feelings of envy toward other women when they have what you may lack. Be genuinely happy for other women when they succeed and express it. Admire them, don’t be threatened by their strengths. If you’re in a position to help, do so. Don’t hoard knowledge, share it. Allow others to draw from your strengths. Empower them. Above all, be that girl that exudes kindness to all.

I’m curious to know if I’m alone in this. Have you experienced other women like this? It’s important to discuss so please do share, if you’d like!



Jessica Martinez