I walked out during worship one Sunday service and went straight to the bathroom. My mascara had melted on my face, my eyes were blood-shot red and my nose was runny as ever. As I walked sobbing quietly, barely able to catch my breath, I couldn’t help but feel convicted for being apathetic.
That Sunday started with me dreading the thought of being in church. I got dressed, drove and showed up to service extremely indifferent with everyone and God. My heart weighed heavy from a few problems that had nothing to do with anyone.
As much as I tried to hide the fact that the Holy Spirit was convicting me, I suddenly had the urge to run out of service at full speed to cry in a corner and just lay my mind and heart’s issues at His feet. I was feeling and displaying apathy for months, not just that Sunday. That day was just my breaking point.
In my moment of conviction, all I could think of was how God searched for me, displayed His grace and loved me even at my worst when I couldn’t muster the words “Hey Jesus, my bad, I’ve been such a brat” or show Him any reverence for that matter.
That day, apathy took over the best part of me because I allowed it. It affected some of my relationships but it mainly drifted me apart from God because apathy is the emotional middle finger to everything that has meaning. It comes over us in a slow but powerful way. One day we’re engaged and thirsty for more of Him and the next day we’re pushed off our “spiritual high” into a depth of extreme indifference towards God and everyone around us.
Once I realized that my problems were little specks in the grand scheme of things, I changed my heart’s condition from rebellion to alignment. Because rebellion is knowing that God wants us to care, but we don’t anyway. Alignment is when we acknowledge that we need to change but we can’t do it on our own, so we call on Him to step in and #FixItJesus.
Spiritual apathy won’t always be defeated as soon as we sense it coming on because we may decide to live in it for a while. And while no one is exempt from it, everyone has the ability to step out of it because apathy is only meant to be a short season, not the reason for our decline.