I Rediscovered True Love Last Night

The following is a writing entry originally published on a previous blog I had, dated December 12, 2013. I was clearly in my feelings about something here and while it's a few years old, I often revisit that post because it's one of my most sincerest pieces of writing.

Here is the link, if you care to peak around that old blog!

December 12, 2013:

Last night I had a moment with God. A much needed moment. It was one of those where you’re driving alone and crying out to Him without any regard for the person next to you. It was beautiful.

Time and time again I realize that I’m unworthy of His mercy. I have failed a million times and there He is. Who am I to not praise Him? To be indifferent?

There I was going about my day and after tugging at my heart and placing an unsettling feeling that I needed to call upon Him, He reminded me that I am His favorite, He loves me and that’s sufficient.

Once again, I was reminded that His love is unrelenting, its obsessive, needs no reciprocation and somehow it’s still there, it’s always perfect, unconditional, inexplicable and I can’t shake it because it’s meant for me.

In my moment, I felt weak, so small, vulnerable and shamelessly, repeatedly cried for help. Regardless of my inconsistencies, my inadequacies and my performance, His love is there.

His mercy.

His grace.

He pursues me with such unyielding passion and remembering that once again made me shift my thoughts, worship and adoration. That realization sounds so simple but it comes along with the most divine comprehension. But, it’s also agonizing because in return, I’ve let Him down by not giving Him time – time that His mercy allows me to have. And realizing that, killed me.

However, His redemption delivers us from our guilt and shame, that’s the beauty of His steadfast love and it becomes evident the moment I feel that He’s still accepting of me even when I haven’t given Him all of me.

His love, it’s unfathomable

Jessica Martinez